A Never-Ending Dream

My vision starts to black out, and then I am holding out to something, anything, for just a little support. I find nothing of the sort. Instead, I am falling. No. No.

I stare down at my hands, afraid. Scared of what I had done, what I have become.

“Let’s run away.”

It was a phrase I wouldn’t have dared to utter alone. But hand in hand, the consequences became a vague thought in the back of my head. I had shoved it under the waters, the waves pushing it further and further, until a time came when I couldn’t see it on the horizon, carelessness creeping up from behind. That day, the six of us had closed our eyes shut and ran with every ounce of that uncertain hope. But after all was said and done, after every detail of planning, there were only two. 

It was raining that day, the skies particularly grey. All I could see was the bright orange of the leaves. It plays over and over in my head. The color of never being able to go back. But, I couldn’t waver. Or all of it would have been in vain. 

I had watched the Imperial Palace trickle further away, only allowing a second of rest when it was a faint blur. 

“Have to… keep going,” Miriam pants.

“I c-can’t anymore.”

My voice cracks as I collapse to the forest ground, my knees smearing the dirt below. 

“Miriam, we abandoned them.”

And then she crumples down too. The trees behind blur and twist, a swirl of gray, not a single sign of life nearby. It was supposed to be six. We were going to start a small shop far, far away, although never agreeing upon the type. One night us servants were bickering under the stars while doing laundry, clothing twirling into the air. And the next, gone. 

I wish we could argue again. I wish it could have turned out like anything but this. 

Both hands gripping on to my shoulders, Miriam’s green eyes flicker in and out. Tears uncontrollably streaming out, my last companion pulls me in.

“Forward, Everly. That’s the only place we can go.”

This hierarchy, the Empire of Kayln, is not built for the poor. Those are the words embedded into me. The words my mother would repeat every single day. To be unlucky is a crime. The outsiders envy us for these useless jewelry and decorations. But if it was up to me, I’d have it all burned to the ground. I just was a mere laborer out of the hundreds, born into this line without a choice. And now, I am branded as a traitor, hunted down and despised, quivering just to imagine what the others have coming. But right now, more than fear, more than sadness, I am angry. 

My mother always whispered, “Things will get better, Everly. I promise.”

You never kept it, mom. Never kept that promise.

Autumn rain starts up again, drenching the two of us, the fabric clinging on to my skin. My world turns gray again, color fading to plain black and white. Except for that fiery orange. My reminder that no matter what happens, I cannot stop. The soldiers are still pursuing— the executioner’s blade still closing in. Their metal armour and spears glisten in my dreams. 

“Mom! Mom! Where are you?”

This morning, I step into the darkness for the first time. I no longer recognize their faces, each and every one of them strangers. 

I push past the crowds, wailing. But, no one seems to hear. Or they’re just indifferent to my struggles and pain. My foot catches on a bucket of water, but I’m too hurried to stop or say sorry. Where are the servants? Because, all I see are these shadowy monsters blocking my path. They increase in size by the second, towers and mountains looming over my small figure. 

“Hey, you.”

I shove and fumble through their ranks, their eyes wrap around my limbs until I am pressed against the ground, not able to move. But, I try anyway. I tear through the vines with my bare hands not caring about the thorns. 

“Hey! What are you doing?”

My arm is gripped, and I’m being dangled above the air. I slowly turn my head. This one is the scariest of them all. His teeth are large and razor sharp, even his head and hands lined with them. 

Someone is yelling, but I don’t know who or from where, because he opens his mouth, and I am swallowed whole, the needles stabbing into my face. 

“Everly.”

“Everly!”

I gasp awake inside a tight cave. It’s just like in our tiny quarters, everyone cramped next to one another.

My mind is still groggy, nothing is in my control. My life’s always been this way. 

“Miriam?” 

There is no answer.

I whip my head around and pat the empty floor beside me, grabbing at thin air. 

My senses start to awaken, shouting and shrieking entering my ears. I rush to stand up, only to find myself back at the floor with shaking legs. I’m held at the bottom, not able to reach up. The nobles sneer and frown down every time I attempt to believe. And when I finally manage to pull myself to a standing position and step out, there are soldiers outside again. Just like before. They’ve come to steal away the final piece of me. She’s there. Right in front of me, her curly hair just a few feet away, a few bushes. But, the double guards have her locked, my legs still barely holding me up. They don’t seem to have noticed me yet. If I can just…

My vision starts to black out, and then I am holding out to something, anything, for just a little support. I find nothing of the sort. Instead, I am falling. No. No. 

Miriam is stabbed right through the chest. It’s just like before. 

“Ready?” Patsy whispers.

Her eyes are leaping out in joy, a smile spreading ear to ear. Her excitement erases a part of my doubt, or at least, that’s what I tell myself to stop shaking. Stupid guards. Stupid royals. It’s all going to be over soon.

“All clear,” Mabel signals.

We proceed further down this tunnel, this rabbit hole, each step unable to take back. I suck in a breath, reminded of Via. Always brave, always stubborn. She’s still out there, drugging the remaining officers to ensure not even a little chance of failing while we move forward. 

“Three, two…”

“One.” 

There’s no going back now. No second chance. 

Zenni and I had stared at the walls, thinking, searching for clue, any hint at all. And after just a few minutes, we had arrived at our savior—the Garden. After all, there's only one set of rotating guards stationed with plenty of botany to hide in. The flowers start coming into view and now all the five of us have to do is wait for Via to watch up before slipping out, leaving not a single trace. Right now, we’re a bunch of servants with hunched shoulders, eyes alert for any sign of danger. But in just a few moments, that would all change. We’d run so far, even the forever dim sky would light up. Pass that gate… We’re free. 

I fidget and tap impatiently, knowing that each passing second means our chances are slimming down. Five more minutes until the opening. But, I already see two sets of plated armour approaching. 

They’re ahead of schedule. 

Just as we duck and blend into the weeks—Via appears in sight. With four trained, well-fed soldiers in the middle of switching out ready to restrain her. 

I cover my mouth with a hand to prevent myself from gasping. Mabel’s hand gripping my arm tightens until I’m sure there's no more blood circulation. The five of us huddle there, not daring to move an inch. 

Via swiftly turns away and walks with fast-paced steps, her hands tightening around her the helm of her shirt. 

“Report. What is your duty here?”

She freezes for a split second before slowly facing doom’s direction. She stares them down with confidence like no other.

“I’m here to… check up on the growth of these plants.”

They don’t seem to hear her. They take their sharp blades and spears, walking closer, and closer. I think my face is blue now from not breathing. 

Their voices are inaudible now. All I can see is Via’s face shift from expressionless to panic. She chuckles a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears while trying to swipe away the forming sweat. Via closes her eyes. And when she opens them, a decision has been made.

“RUN!!!”

She slams her frail body into the guards while I’m still processing. Via. She’s sacrificing herself. 

Mabel yanks me forward and we dash towards the open exit. The five of us do.

Zenni is yelling, “I’ll be right behind you guys!”

There are five. Until, I realize Zenni is sprinting toward Via, and the one grabbing my hand isn’t Mabel. It’s Miriam. 

Three. Three of us are at the gate, at the edge of freedom. The four guards are wrestling our other half. They yank my sisters’ hair and push them to the floor. I can’t watch it. I can’t watch this cruelty. Reinforcements are coming, but I can’t seem to move this body of mine. Patsy is not smiling anymore, her face dark and dull for the first time. She was always the most upbeat, even in the face of chores and unfairness. She cheered us up. But even that is lost now. 

I can hear them telling me to move. Miriam is tugging and pulling. A soldier is about to impale me. I am about to take my last breaths. Maybe… it’s for the better. I brace myself for death, but it doesn’t come. Instead, Patsy pushes me away and takes the blow, her hot tears soaking the soil beneath. I can only stare in disbelief.

“If you don’t make it, Everly… If you and Miriam don’t take these wings and soar across the sky, I- I’ll never forgive you.”

Three is now two. 

I roll and bunch myself into a ball, as if that simple action would hide me from every problem. I find myself on the floor, purple bruises splotching my legs. Afternoon sunlight streams in through the window, and I scramble to sit up. I trail hand to rub my blurry eyes, realizing the tears coming down. Why am I crying? What was I sad about?

I bask in the warm light for a while, finally a break from this delirium. But then, it hits me. 

“Miriam.”

“I’m right here.”

I tilt my head and slap myself with both hands, the red marks searing through my skin. I rub and blink and shake, but these eyes in front of me are no doubt the same. Lying back onto the floor, I decide I’m done questioning for now. I don’t wonder how she’s alive and breathing. I don’t know anything, only that I’m grateful. 

For the next few months, Miriam doesn’t utter another word, staying merely as a companion. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t sleep. But every time I turn around, in every step, every part of the way, she is there, staring at me. Her gaze still holds the same words. Forward. I curl up tight with my arms wrapped around my legs, head tilted to the side in this little village. A kind granny had saved us that day. It’s strange though. She boiled me warm tea that day as we sat down. 

I asked her, “What about the other girl with me? The one with the curly hair?” 

She just gently smiled and silently shook her head. 

The trauma must have really got to Miriam. You stop worrying now. Your friend will take care of everything. 

I live a peaceful life doing peaceful work. But sometimes, right before I go to sleep, or when I’m alone sweeping the wooden floors, I think about a parallel universe. In that other dimension, all of them would be here. Just a small decision I could have made differently would alter everything. I wonder if that other me is happy, if she would look down on me if we ever met. 

I work just as hard as before, for myself this time. But no matter what I do, how many hours I labor, Miriam never returns to her old self. It’s a feeling that slowly gnaws at me every time I see her. There’s chains and shackles binding her wrists and ankles, and she refuses to call out for help. Why? Why do I get to taste freedom while she remains a shell? Miriam, what do you want from me?

I decided to go back. Shatter everything I have built to return. Is this stupid? Am I crazy? Am I worthy? 

I do not know. But Patsy, Zenni, Via, and Mabel are waiting. Can I even look them in the eye? This time, I won’t leave anyone behind. Will they even want me?

Poison. What if they murder me back? Yes, poison. 

I dig up my old clothes from my drawers, and with it comes all the memories I had lost. Us telling horror stories with a flashlight. Us baking for the very first time. Oh, it was disastrous all right. A faint smile creeps up my face as I slip on my disguise. Even from all the way out here, the news of the ceremony reaches me. I take it as a sign. 

I ask Sherla, one of Granny’s nieces, to borrow her horse and disappear into the night. Miriam grips my shoulders as we ride down the muddy path. What if they hate me? I plug my ears as if that would get rid of this voice. 

Everything around me turns pitch black, my senses lost. My horse vanishes, leaving only smoke behind. I’m left with this guilt all alone. Their eyes are hollow, faces gray and unnatural. They stare down at me. I wonder if it would be better to just die. No one would care anyways. 

The trees slowly turn into lights as the sight of a large mansion is brought into view. Dozens of carriages line the front with music inside waking me up. I mask as just another servant, knowing every detail all too well. 

The poison I bargained rests as a small vial in my pocket. My once shaky fingers now gripped it with purpose. I feel its red liquid swishing and moving around, the glass between cold. This had been crossed out of the options before. But now, there couldn’t be anyone to signal nearby troops. Everyone is going down. 

Nobody questions, nobody pays attention to just another lowly servant out of their care. I twist open the cap and dump it into the wine. As all the guests start flooding in, I stand there and wait. These repulsive upperclassmen start getting drunk one by one. I stand there, eyeing the clock as the seconds tick by. Only after two hours, I am noticed.

“Why are you just standing there? Go serve me something.”

I smile. 

His face starts flushing red, as he shouts, “Guards, get her!”

They’re enjoying themselves far too much to bother. He raises up a glass bottle, preparing to smash it against my skull. Just as it’s about to make contact, the man falls to the ground. One by one, one by one, they fall down. 

“Come to me.”

I spot Patsy lighting up again. She beams down the corridor and Via besides her. I breathe a sigh of relief. They’re okay after all.

For the first time, I think I am truly happy. I herd them away into the forest. It would take a while for anyone to notice. Leaves and leaves fill my view and move past them with ease. The coldness is gone, my aching legs are bound with energy. We sit in a circle, a candle lit in the center. There are six. 

“Mabel, Zenni, Patsy, Miriam, Via, I’m… so happy you’re alive.”

They smile at me, not quite there, but still like the old times. 

“I’m not Mabel.”

“I’m not Zenni either. My name’s Dahlia.”

Zenni’s pin-straight hair shifts into a light-brown ponytail. Via’s purple eyes are instead gray. Their clothing, their faces, all shift and deform. What is going on?

“Sorry, you must be mistaken.”

That can’t be true. Miriam was always by my side. She was always there. I twist around, looking for some sort of comfort. But, I find that I’m grabbing and holding thin air once again.  

Thin air. 

Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating? I slap my cheeks, but nothing changes. I do it again, and again, and again, until tears start streaming down from pain. I cry out in desperation, not caring about being found out. 

“The four of them died eight years ago.”

I made it up. I made up everything in my head. I stare down at my hands, afraid. Scared of what I had done, what I have become. Of course treason was punished by death. I’ve witnessed it happen so many times before. I’ve witnessed that spear pierce through Miriam with my own eyes. She kept silent not because of trauma. Because she was already gone. But I wanted to believe. I wanted there to be a way. 

Everly, you screwed up. 

I’m left with a group of strangers who think I’ve gone insane. But I lost my sanity long before this trip, perhaps right from that gate. Instead of the wings I was supposed to grow, I laid my own trap. 

 Six has become one.