ALL THE GOOD GIRLS GO TO H….
Billie Eilish’s song in a book.
I’m falling. Not now, but I know it’s bound to happen. I’m an angel, actually a perfect one.
What are they doing?
They rip my shirt, but I don’t know what they’re going to do. I feel needles being injected into me, the black liquid that they use to make an angel fall.
No. No. Please, I think. They only use that when an angel breaks rules. After that, they leave me on my own. Not taking the needles out, just leaving me. Waiting. Waiting for me to fall. I’m shaking on the ground in pain, with the serum continuing to seep into me. “Please just let me fall already,” I whisper, my breaths uneven and shaking.
My breath is knocked out of me as I start to fall. I gasp for air, hopelessly thrashing and trying to get back up. Of course, there was no way. I see the world that I’m headed to, polluted, artificial lighting, and god, it’s dark. I never imagined dark this dark. When I was a kid, I used to be scared of it. It was never this dark. My brother used to say, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you, Billie.” But now I’m glad for the darkness of this world. Any fluorescent lighting will remind me why I’m here in the first place.
As I get closer and closer to Earth, I brace myself for the impact. I land in some sort of heavy, sticky, thick substance. A tar pit. I lay there for a second, not wanting to move. When I finally do move, I keep falling down, my body racking. After a few minutes, I stand up. My body is still shaking, and I’m limping like heck. My wings feel so much heavier, with the tar soaked into them. My wings drag behind me as I walk, unsure where I’m going.
Fire starts to catch all around me, but I don’t care. I just keep walking. What exactly did I do wrong? Then it hits me. “All the good girls go to hell,” I say. That’s when I make a decision. If they don’t want me, even though I was perfect, I followed all the rules, I helped as much I could. They still don’t want me? Then I’ll just join the Devil. What was the point of me being so perfect? They still kicked me out! My Lucifer is lonely, anyway. My Lucifer, she’s me. My dark side. Haven't paid much attention to her, and now, I’ll embrace her. And, what was even the point of helping these people? Humans have made such a mess of this planet, and they just keep on polluting the oceans, the air, the land, it’s toxic. If I can’t help them, then I’ll be bad. I’ll be that bad guy. Just as I make that decision, fire starts to catch on my long wings, but I don’t care. It’ll burn off the feathers, and I’ll turn into a real devil. The heat starts to get to me, and I tuck my wings closer to my body. I want to remove all parts of being an angel.
The fire burns off my feathers, scorching them. Good. My wings’ll look more like those of a devil’s. Once I’m sure that the angelic feathers have been burned off, I shake the fire off my wings and take a moment to look at them. Then, I start singing:
all the good girls go to hell
Cause even god herself
Has enemies and
Once the water starts to rise
And heaven’s out of sight
She’ll want the devil on her team
There’s nothing left to save now
My god is gonna owe me
There’s nothing left to save now
