Leaving My Belongings (and My Dignity)
Under the bright lights, I sit straight, my heart pounding and my hands drenched in sweat as the audience goes quiet. Surrounded by talented musicians from all over California, I didn’t want to stand out or embarrass myself in front of everyone. Butterflies were flying rapidly inside my stomach as I held my violin, hoping every note would come out right. After months of afternoon practices, I just wanted to play my part smoothly and leave the stage feeling proud, not mortified. Little did I know that the most embarrassing moment of the day wouldn’t happen during the performance, but right after it ended.
Her eyes were bulging out at the ensemble, as she twisted and turned the fairy wand. This was our conductor’s way of cueing us in. It’s still a complete mystery to me how the butterflies disappeared as soon as I played the first note. As if another soul was playing for me, my body played for my mind, somehow knowing where to put each and every finger. As the final note echoed into the music hall, a tsunami of relief flooded me as I stood up and bowed to the roaring audience.
“Come on Ashley, our counselor is buying us boba!” my stand partner Irene nudged.
“Wait up!” I replied as I saw my orchestra leave. Another performance was supposed to start right after us which meant we had to pack up our instruments and leave the stage in 5 minutes sharp.
Quickly grabbing my violin, I ran to my friends to talk about what a performance we had.
“I fumbled so hard on the last page. Ughh,” Irene groaned, walking out of the stage.
“No stop, no one noticed and besides, there’s going to be 3 more performances so the audience should forget,” my roommate Mary encouraged. We walked outside and the sky was a beautiful orange-pink color. “Wow, the sky is actually doing its job today. We should take a selfie!”
My friends always like to take pictures on my phone so on impulse, I looked inside my bag to grab it. After feeling nothing but the walls of the bag, I impulsively think Irene stole it again as a prank.
“Irene, you little rat! Did you steal my things again?”
“Nope, didn’t see it,” she said, not looking up from her phone. “Why-ASHLEY YOUR PHONE!” I glanced up at her direction and the soul I once had seemed to disappear. There it was. My binder and my phone with the tacky cartoon phone case, sitting on my chair, in the middle of the stage.
Oh, my, gosh…This can’t be real. I’m dreaming. The performance was too good to be true! I blink hard. Am I dreaming?
“Ashley, you alright?” Mary asks concerned.
I open my eyes. This is real and I’m not in fact dreaming.
“Yes?” I responded, voice all shaky. Outside was a balcony and I wanted to jump off that instant. My tacky phonecase. Why did I have to choose it? Everyone knows my iconic Spongebob phone case and now everyone's going to make fun of me!
Mary and Irene somehow recognized my panicking face and they started to talk to each other. Oh no, they’re so going to leave me.
My view was blurring out until Mary called, “Ashley, are you ok? Don’t worry, Irene is texting our counselor and after she finds it, everything will be ok. Besides, you’ll never see these people again!”
She’s right! It’s just a camp and I don’t have to face anyone ever again! Mary’s words felt like medication on a wound. My breathing started to slow as I regained my focus; The hum of the audience, Mary standing next to me, and Irene running while waving her hands towards me.
Almost tearing up with gratitude, I received my phone from my wonderful counselor. Then, it was time to escape the awkward goodbyes from my mom’s friends and her mutuals. With everything I needed to leave, I zoomed all the way to my car, slammed the door shut, and snuggled in to watch my favorite show on the Tesla screen. Though I made the worst mistake here, getting into this orchestra was the most difficult challenge ever and I laughed to myself that the miracle of getting in would never happen again…until it did.
